Helping the grieving process by recognizing significant days

When you've lost a loved one, doing something special, something that reminds you of times shared with the deceased, can make grieving a more personal and comforting experience. Grief can warm the heart, rekindle relationships and encourage the healing process. 

As anyone who's lost a loved one knows, grief comes naturally when you’ve lost someone you love. It's that feeling of keeping them close to you. And every anniversary, we take the time to remember those who have passed and remain important to us. 

We call these days Significant Days because they offer the opportunity for those who celebrate the life of loved ones who have passed on. 

There are as many ways to celebrate significant days. Everyone leaves something behind, something we remember them by. It might be a painting, a cottage they built, a piece of music, a garden, a family.

“It’s important to take some time out to do something special on significant days throughout the year as an act of remembrance,” said Nicolas McCarthy, Director of Community Outreach at Beechwood Funeral, Cemetery and Cremation Services in Ottawa. “We’ve had to limit the large public service of honouring the dead during COVID. Grieving is a communal process, not an individual process and finding and different ways to honour and celebrate lives is important.”

Beechwood Cemetery families have seen many different ways there are to remember the life of a loved one, including readings from a favourite book, a motorcycle cortege, a performance from a much-loved Shakespearean play and religious rituals in native languages.

Other ways you can honour a significant day are: 

• Create a memorial display of items that were closely associated with them; a pair of shoes they used to dance in, favourite flowers from their garden, sheet music for the piano, their motorcycle. Anything that reminds you of them.
• Create a photo montage of images for a scrolling digital display that take the viewer on a journey through the life of the deceased, travelling the world, on their wedding day, giving birth, having a special meal, posing with a new car, any image that makes you smile and remember.
• Meet friends to have a favourite meal on their significant day. Take pictures and post them on social media.
• Create a Facebook page and invite all to contribute favourite memories. Create a short video of your times together.
• Host a Zoom get-together and socialize. Be sure to bring photos and videos.
• Do something you used to do with the deceased; a football game, watch a movie, a hike in the woods, a round of golf, attend a hockey game wearing their favourite team jersey. 
• Publish a portion of a favourite book, poem or play on social media and invite comments of other memories.
• Invite family and friends to visit the memorial site together.

Significant Days are not limited to the anniversary of someone's passing. There are other days throughout the year when grief is also keenly felt. Birthdays and anniversaries can be challenging. Holidays –  Mother's and Father's Day, Christmas, Halloween, or a birthday or anniversary can evoke memories, sometimes for days leading up to the actual day.

It’s common to feel moments of grief on the special days you’ve shared with those who’ve passed. This is a normal part of life. It’s important that we take those days to honour our loved ones and celebrate the memories.